Touched By An Angel

As most of my you know, I love sharing clients, friends and colleagues experiences in my blogs!  Today I want to introduce you to Hannie Ruinen, a NeurOptimal trainer and friend from the Netherlands.   Hannie had an experience not foreign to many of us that are trainers with Neurofeedback but I was honored to hear no matter where you live, what language you speak or  what difficulties you are experiencing, people are able to get significant results with NeurOptimal!  If you are interested in more information and want to be touched by your own angel…give me a call 317-258-7444 in the Unites States, or call Hannie if you live ‘over that pond’.

Touched by an Angel During a Neuroptimal Session by Hannie Ruinen

(This is a genuine story that happened in my private practice Neuro-Insight only last April 2016).

How does the story go? Well, let me start the story where it began….

In December 2015 I received a call for help with NeurOptimal Neurofeedback (what else…?) from a 51 year old lady who hadn’t been able to sleep well since 2007, without any significant reason. Let me tell you, as an experienced coach and NeurOptimal trainer, I was sure that something must have happened in that year, and, I also knew that the lady would tell me within 10 sessions.

She appeared to be a very hard working person with lots of interests in doing things, and in other people. She is the kind of person who would take everyones’ crap on her shoulders including her own, trying to solve and help in the same order. She also told me she was hypersensitive to smell, sounds and so on…..

During the next four weeks she received four sessions, and after the fourth session she reported she noticed she could sleep 5 hours straight without waking. For her, that was a major breakthrough.

After the 7th session, she walked in happily because she had been able to stand up for herself and say ‘no’ to additional responsibilities that came from work. She felt confident saying no to working late for a colleague who was ill.

During her 8th NeurOptimal session she started to cry, it just happened. She couldn’t stop. I handed her tissues, without asking or saying anything, just allowing this to happen. You see, as a NeurOptimal trainer I just know that things will be emerging and this was definitely happening at that particular moment….

After the session she asked me if she could share what had happened. So here’s what she said….”You see, Hannie, today, exactly at this hour, it has been 7 years ago since my brother passed away in an accident. And, I never realized it, but now I see that I have been feeling that I was robbed from my brother that day. I never had the chance to say goodbye to him, and I miss him immensely…During the session I could smell his presence, I could feel his touch and I heard him saying that he is alright, and that this is the time for me to let go of my feelings of guilt and go on with my life, and start exploring my gift of being a sensitive person. ‘I was touched by an angel, who is my brother’. Thank you for that, because if I hadn’t had these NeurOptimal sessions with you, I am sure this would never, ever have happened.”

 

I want to thank Hannie, for sharing her experiences with her client and the Angel!  It is always such a treat to witness self-healing and be a part of such a powerful process.  If you are interested in participating in a NeurOptimal program please do not hesitate to call and we can set you up with a trainer in your area.  If you are interested in becoming a NeurOptimal trainer give me a call and we can get you into our training program and teach you the skills needed to be a part of this program.  Lastly, if you would like to rent or purchase a system for home use, again, give me a call!  317-258-7444.

Just another thought by Dr. Lise’

Hannie Ruinen  * hannie.ruinen@neuroptimal.com  *  info@neuro-insight.eu

http://www.neuro-insight.eu  * The Netherlands  +31 6 38 0138 68

But Why?

Why do people yell at each other and then wonder why their kids are oppositional and defiant to them, or to their friends & their teachers?  “If all the ‘love’ they see at home is in the form of yelling (or hitting) doesn’t it make sense that they think this is how to show their love?”

Why do parents, swear and use sarcasm to each other and then wonder why their kids are such ‘smart-asses’?  “Sarcasm is the most sophisticated form of language, it is saying one thing and meaning another, this takes high level thinking and most children have not formed this level of reasoning and ‘play’ with language until they are much older.  So for a young child to try to experiment with this language technique it comes across funny and cute as a young child imitates their adult role models but as they grow a little more it is as if they are being a ‘smart-ass’”.

Why is this generation of children so much more violent? ” This is a complex answer and I am positive there are many answers from more chemicals in our food (GMO’s) and more ‘noise’ in the environment to less ‘family-time’.  Also we are seeing a surge in electronics, video games, less communication and human contact in play time.  

Longer periods of time ‘pretending’ to shoot and kill people or animals on video games, can desensitize individuals and reinforce cruelty.  Movies are less family entertaining and are mixing humor and violence together giving the impression it is not only ‘ok to be mean’ but it is funny!  The more realistic and scarier a movie is when focusing on ‘doom and threat’ adds fear which also creates a cocktail of chemicals in our brains.  Our bodies respond just as if we are right there in the room with that killer, sweaty palms, increased heart rate and breathing shorter and more shallow.

 There is a fine line between pretend and reality for many people.  They see more and more realistic deaths, with blood and guts spurting across the screen and a ‘real adrenaline rush’ (including a change in Neurochemistry with increased cortisol, and the ‘addictive, pleasure center’ is activated with a dopamine rush.  Creating a false sense of reality because our bodies are responding as if to say “whew, we made it through that one let’s try it again”! 

Experiments have been done for a very long time on the modeling that children witness and how that will dictate the children’s response to others as well as their learned aggression.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr0OTCVtHbU the original Bobo Doll experiment from 1961 (4.08 minutes) helps to describe psychologically what happens with children.  This experiment has been replicated many times in many ways over the years with each new experiment confirming the original findings!

The American Psychological Association has now confirmed http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2015/08/violent-video-games.aspx a link between playing violent video games and aggression. I truly do not believe it is just a few games here and there that causes this violent behavior, I find that a combination of risk factors including the individual’s feelings of loneliness, self-confidence, depression and what they have been modeled at home that can set the perfect scenario for a mental storm for aggression”. 

The Feeling and Perception of Parental Love…How Important is it?

The Feeling and Perception of Parental Love...How Important is it?

The ‘trauma’ of not feeling loved or not making that connection with a parent can be devastating forever. It has been coined by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk as a ‘Developmental Trauma Disorder’ and although not adapted by the DSMV, it is definitely descriptive of the impact it has on an individual.

It isn’t always intentional that families are unable to make the communication-relationship work. A child will engage as a baby and then their brain becomes over loaded and is not able to stay connected. As a parent if that intuitive feeling of your baby ‘needing a break’ becomes a fear of not connecting, the relationship or bond may not ever solidify and then both parent and child pull away from one another. This can start from a simple action of a child looking towards their parent when they are need of making a connection and a parent looking away from the child instead of meeting the child’s needs. This response happens with very young parents or parents which were subject to abuse themselves.

It is horrifying how many other cases of a more severe abuse, physical, psychological, emotional, sexual abuse occur on a daily basis between families. This abuse may not be the actual parent but a family member and as these events occur the parents may not be supportive of the child and therefore a feeling of not having a safe environment occurs at home; not safe to tell Mom & Dad, nor safe to live in the home. It also may be that the parent knows nothing of the abuse, but the relationship of the parent and child does not allow for that ‘safe communication’. This chronic stressed situation can lead to many different outcomes.

What happens when you do not feel loved or safe as a child?

* Chronic anxiety
* Chronic depression
* Physiological symptoms such as increased heart rate, and cortisol levels go up, decreasing access to important areas of the brain
* The person develops a ‘self-loathing’ characteristic or a feeling of being unworthy of love
* They have a difficulty regulating their emotions…they become angry, sad, Jealous, fearful and unable to turn these emotions off or down, sometimes looking like a bipolar effect
* Unable to ‘attach’ to another human being, a lack of empathy (knowing what someone else is feeling)
* They create a ‘wall’ or must ‘disassociate’ from others

To feel worthy of love, to learn from new experiences, to learn from your own past experiences an area of the brain within the Prefrontal Cortex will be engaged. If this area is not accessible due to childhood experiences that lead to trauma then people misinterpret, they do not perceive others or themselves accurately.

How this plays out in life:

* Increased autoimmune disorders
* Obesity
* More sexual active at younger ages (encouraging sexual relationships but discouraging gender-peer social interactions
* Lack the ability to concentrate or pay attention (more ADHD in this group)
* Severe Anger management (Oppositional Defiance Disorder)
* Self-Inflicted pain, cutting, biting or puncturing/ burning themselves
* Eating disorders, bulimic, anorexic, or soul comforting foods making themselves malnourished
* Addictions, alcohol, drugs, sex etc…
* Disorganized and confused
* Cognitive concerns, problem solving, reasoning, deduction skills, critical thinking, speed processing

Do you wonder if you have a developmental trauma disorder…try taking this simple checklist

Finding Your ACE Score

While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:
1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…
Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?
or
Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…
Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?
or
Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever…
Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?
or
Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

4. Did you often or very often feel that …
No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?
or
Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

5. Did you often or very often feel that …
You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?
or
Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed
it?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

7. Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?
or
Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard?
or
Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ________

10. Did a household member go to prison?
Yes No If yes enter 1 _______

Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.

If you are interested in knowing what these results mean, please contact me back channel or contact your mental health provider for results. (drldelong@cognitive-connections.com)

What worries me…is we have a huge population of children growing into adults that are doing horrific acts, ending up in jail, being put on drugs and perpetuating the cycle of neglect and abuse and research now shows it may be due to the way these children were treated before the age of 10. Bessel van der Kolk, http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Networker.pdf

Please love your babies…hold your children…be attentive to them, truly listen to them and respect and regard their opinions. They will not only be caring for you as you grow older but they will be making decisions based on their past experiences. Give them GREAT, caring, loving experiences.

Just another thought by Dr. Lise’

Turn Your Brain On

Turn Your Brain On

As you lay in bed getting ready to start your day let’s start doing a simple ‘wake-up’ exercise…drink a full glass of water…stretch…and repeat these thoughts…

I will start this day with:

Ability vs limitation
Confidence vs timidity
Desire vs disgust
Determination vs desperation
Fearlessness vs worry
Intelligence vs inability
Intent vs ignorance
Praise vs Judgement
Satisfaction vs regret
Trust vs doubt

I refuse to feel guilty or lay blame for any past event or experience…I CHOOSE to move forward with love!!

Make it AWESOME day!!!!

another: Dr. Lise’s Thoughts, 5/6/13

What We Say ‘Sticks’

What We Say 'Sticks'

We sometimes don’t even remember being frustrated enough that we used ‘words’ that hurt…or that our little ‘teasing’ could make an impression that would last a lifetime on the people we love the most…

We have a big responsibility when we give birth to these little people that will become the future leaders of this world. The things I would love for everyone to teach their children;

1. Respect one another, say kind things to show you care NOT to prove you are right or the ‘parent’

2. Teach your children NO one is better than another. They ALL deserve your respect, love and trust.

3. Think of HOW your words and actions will affect someone before using them.

4. Only use what you need…save for others or a rainy day, you may need those resources later

5. Always remember to say what you ‘feel’ as long as it honors yourself and honors another.

6. TRUST that your child knows how to do a task, and if they need guidance along the way, that is what you are there for! When we do not trust their abilities, they do not either!

7. Make sure they know and understand their safety is your number one concern, even over their mistakes…you would rather help them through one mistake and SAVE them from making another to ‘cover-up’ their initial mistake!

8. Use the 80/20 Rule! Giving them 100% positive reinforcement will NOT teach them that some things are wrong! But only pointing out their faults will not give them confidence! So 80/20… 80% POSITIVE reinforcement and 20% correction words, (in an understanding way, we weren’t born knowing it all either!) 🙂

9. Teach your child to care for their stuff but to share, holding on to everything our whole life makes us dependent on our ‘stuff’, yet not caring for our stuff makes us feel as if the world is disposable!

10. Yelling mean things, saying derogatory words will not help your child to learn to be kind (even to you)! You are raising the person that will care for you as an elder adult…remember to treat them as you wish to be treated!

11. Surround yourself and your family with supportive people. Your children will perpetuate this group of people as well, marrying a person they can live with for the rest of their lives and be happy raising your grandchildren!

12. Help your children see the good in others, not raising them to be ‘judgmental’ of others, always finding the bad is addictive!

13. Remember the difference between being ‘witty’ and being ‘sarcastic’. Sarcasm is like watching movies…it should be rated and only used when age-appropriate, otherwise, the children try using sarcasm and it sounds rude, and disrespectful. They can be totally misunderstood and it comes across as a behavior issue instead.

14. Always be aware of what you are ‘allowing’ your child to witness, whether it is in a movie, another family or at home. The ‘appropriate’ movie rating doesn’t mean it is appropriate to watch! The ‘craze’ in movies is to make them something a parent will want to sit through, so they have subtle sexual innuendo’s, sarcasm, violence and all enveloped in humor, making it look as if it is a good and appropriate action! These scenes will ‘stick’ with your child forever.

15. Always look at what you are feeding your child…is it good food? If it comes in a box, can, or frozen…think twice, try to always use fresh food and create FUN ways of eating what you might consider boring foods. They may LOVE it!!!

Life is fun…wake-up every morning saying and thinking FUN thoughts 🙂 and remember to tell them you love them…

Thank you for raising YOUR children to love and tolerate ALL people no matter their race, religion, gender, political view, sexual orientation or intelligence levels. We all deserve to love and be loved!